Melissa Thinks Out Loud

The Downside of Doing What You Love

We have all heard repeatedly that to be successful and happy we should do what we love.  Many, many people that I have spoken to over the years have shared the joy and triumph they have felt by making their passion into their profession.  Strangely and somewhat sadly, what I have come to find in my own life is that when I try to make my passion into a profession, I end up profoundly unhappy.

I have found that what I once loved to do becomes a "must" and a "should", and we all know how I feel about those!  The joy and excitement that I had once associated with scrapbooking became dread and frustration when I began scrapping and designing as a business.  As time progressed I became more and more confused, as an activity that I once found freeing began to represent restriction and struggle as I was trying to build it into a business. 

Now that I have returned to scrapbooking and paper crafting as a hobby I am once again hopelessly in love with paper and embellishments and I look forward to all the little moments that I get to play with my stash of scrapping goodies.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't what I was supposed to be doing according to the Universe and God.  I can buy that.  So, I tried something else.

Last year I began working towards making my writing a full time profession.  I have been writing since I could hold a pencil, and I actually wrote my first novel at the age of 9. It was a horrible piece of work, but I spent every night that summer watching Yankee baseball and typing my heart out on an ancient manual typewriter. That summer is one of my favorites ever! 

Upon beginning the process of being a professional writer, something began to change. While I loved being able to dedicate time to writing because it was "work", and not goofing off in some way, over time the familiar frustration began to set in.  Why wasn't my writing catching on as well as I had hoped?  I began to doubt my skill and worthiness.  Anxiety became associated with my love of writing and my passion for words.  

Once that happened, the love started to become overshadowed by the doubt and I was not a happy girl anymore. 

In the meantime, my job presented me with a role that allowed me to perform functions that bring me pleasure and enjoyment or at the very least give me a sense of fulfillment.  At the end of each day, while I may be frustrated or a bit stressed I find that I am actually happy in my job and that I am doing what I love.

So this all makes me wonder...

Does doing what you love mean to take a hobby or activity that you love and turn it into a profession?  Does it mean to find roles that allow you to do enough enjoyable tasks that allow you to create a happy and joyful, yet productive and lucrative life?

Maybe I'm just too sensitive about my creative pursuits to allow them to become something that I am judged by either through criticism or mere web popularity. Perhaps it was just too much like being told I had an ugly or stupid child.  Whatever the case, I know that it did not work out for me at all.

For now I will concentrate on loving my job, and enjoying my passions on an amateur basis, and maybe someday down the road they will meet and I will be pleasantly surprised.

I Believe in the Power of Prayer...So, Please Pray

I have just heard awful news about a 2 year old little girl, who is losing her fight with cancer.

There is no longer anything that can be done to save her.

My heart is broken for her family.  I do not know them personally, but have been following her story through a dear friend, and I am at a loss for words.

Please pray for her family to have strength through this, and please pray for this child to have a peaceful transition.  She is being helped with the pain, and will be leaving this place in a few weeks, and I have faith she will move on to somewhere better, and she will be in peace.

At times like this it is so easy to question and to lose faith.  Yet I know personally that for the people at the core of this heartbreak, their faith is the only thing that will keep them even remotely sane.

Please keep them in your hearts and prayers and hug your children really, really tight tonight.

Whistle While You Work

Snow White really hit the nail on the head with that little song of hers about making work a more joyful endeavor! People having been whistling, singing, and dancing while working probably since song was invented. Ever wonder why?

A Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down

Yes I'm in full-on Disney mode today, sorry.  The classic Mary Poppins tune Spoonful of Sugar clearly explains why we should all whistle while we work.  Finding some way to make your work fun makes even the most dreary work more fun.  While this idea is very handy while you are shoveling snow, or cleaning house it is also my number one secret for being happy every single day!

Think about people training for the armed forces.  You know how they chant those songs while they march and run?  Sure they do that to help them keep time, but if that were all the singing did, they could just sing "one, two, three, four". Instead they sing songs, and those songs make the grueling runs easier to bear.  Chain gangs and field hands sang while working for years for just the same reason.  Music is a balm to the soul, and it can make even the worst work a little bit easier to bear.

Be Happy Where You Are

Not everyone is blessed with a job that they absolutely love.  For many of us, we do what we do because we need to pay the bills, and meet our commitments.   While we may be striving towards financial and career freedom in the future, in the here and now we do something that is definitely not our passion.  Does that mean we have to wait through years of boredom and misery?   Heck no!

As a matter of fact, I suspect that until we learn to find joy in whatever it is we do right now, our dreams of a bright tomorrow will never come to fruition.

So, we must find a way to make what we do right now more enjoyable.  For me that means that I turn on the tunes as soon as I get to work.  On the days when I forget to open iTunes, I later wonder why I feel so sleepy or low, and then it hits me!  No music!

If you are not able to listen to music, or sing at your desk while working, you can still play music in your mind.  This is a great technique to do when you are doing a repetitive task, or something that doesn't take much focus - like conference calls :-)  Just think about your favorite songs, and hit the play button in your brain.  I like to dig up songs from my childhood for this purpose, because they challenge my memory while perking me up.  Songs like "Whistle While You Work" and "A Spoonful of Sugar" are in heavy rotation, as a matter of fact.

Dancing With The Stars...Well, Not Exactly

Dancing is also a great way to release stress, so if you can sneak a little booty-shaking into your day, go for it.  I've got mad dancing- in-my-chair skills.  Really, there should be a competition for this.  Something like Dancing With the CEO's.  We could get Bill Gates on board I'm sure. He seems like a fun guy.  I would totally win.  I'm bustin' a move right now while I write.  It keeps my back limber, burns a few extra calories and makes me feel good.

So whistle, sing and dance to help your medicine go down and make today a happy day.

Be Good to Yourself - Video

Tony Robbins on Motivation in the Financial Crisis

It is no secret that I am a huge fan of Anthony Robbins and there is good reason for it.  Thirteen years ago I purchased his Personal Power II Series of tapes and it helped me to transform my life.  I was at the lowest point I had ever been after the sudden death of my new husband and the financial ramifications were devastating.  One sleepless night I was watching the infomercial for the 100th time and I decided that I had nothing more to lose.  I followed that program to the letter and it lifted me up and put me on the path to a happy and fulfilling new life.  I am forever grateful to Tony for the change that his words of encouragement and his methods of teaching have created in my life.

I was curious to see what Tony had been saying about the financial worries that have hit the world and I found  a great five minute interview from the Today Show that aired July 17, 2008.  His words rang so true as I listened and I think they are very much worth sharing here.  So sit back, relax and enjoy Tony Robbins' words of wisdom for this generation.

How to Live a Happy Life - Part One

According Yaro Starak's Blog Profits Blueprint, "How-to" articles are key to good blogging. So as I was lying in bed thinking about what kind of how-to I could share with you, I decided to choose a topic on which I am an expert. How to Live a Happy Life. I consider myself an expert on this topic, as I am one very happy chick! I smile so much that people who don't know me well think I'm on something! You would not believe how often I am asked how I can possibly be this happy. At this point in my life, at the ripe old age of 40, being happy just seems to come naturally, but it wasn't always like that. I learned through trial and much error how to live a happy life, and I would love to share some of my favorite methods with you in the hopes that you will join me in the smile revolution :-)

Get a Hobby
One of the greatest surprises in my life was scrapbooking. I had no idea that taking up this hobby would enrich my life to such an awesome extent.  I have found a creative side to myself that I didn't know existed, outside of the written and spoken word.  I never thought of myself as an artist before, but when I sat down and started cutting, gluing and decorating my scrapbook pages, I unleashed something that had been dormant since childhood.  Even though I do quite a bit of my scrapbooking on my computer for convenience, I still look forward to getting out my glue and scissors and creating art featuring my family and friends.  So my first reason for advising you to get a hobby is to awaken your own sleeping creative giant. It will make you feel like a kid again, and stimulate parts of your brain that will make you feel lighter and happier.  Just don't eat the paste ;-)

If your chosen hobby has a social aspect to it the way sports and scrapbooking do, this is another great way to build up the happiness bank. I have found that the sense of community found through sharing our hobbies with others, who are similarly inclined, enriches us differently that just hanging out with friends or family.  I get a surge of energy when I scrap with others, and I know my husband much prefers target shooting when he is with others at his club. The chance to share your passion, and get new ideas from each other creates an energy that is stronger and more positive than the sum of its parts.  After a few hours with others who enjoy your hobby, you will leave feeling refreshed and inspired, and that feeling will stay with you long after you have moved on to other tasks.

Do Nothing
Yes, you read that right. Carve out some time each week to do nothing. Put aside all the shoulds in your life and just do nothing.  Sit down, relax and vegetate. My mom can tell you that I mastered the art of doing nothing in my teenage years, LOL.  I don't even want you to meditate while you do nothing. That's too much pressure. Just sit down or lie down and do nothing, just be careful not to fall asleep. Don't fret about what you are thinking or not thinking, or about what you are missing or delaying.  For God's sake do not turn on the TV or radio!  Just hang out and relax with yourself.  When was the last time you actually did nothing? Do you even remember?

Let me tell you folks, nothing can really turn into something. It can become a moment of inspiration or a moment of closeness to the divine or it can just be nothing. Whatever happens, you will walk away refreshed and recharged thanks to the peace derived from not pressuring yourself. You may not be aware of how much you pressure yourself daily to do things, go places and be a certain way.  When you let go and just coast for a bit, you will feel the weight of the world lift off of your shoulders and the smiles will come more easily and will be more genuine.

Do Something - Physical
You knew it was coming.  Maybe you were hoping it wasn't.  Well here it is, the advice that you have heard over and over and over.  Exercise.  Move your body. I don't care what form of movement you choose.  You can dance, walk, skip, roll, shake or stretch or strippercize.  Just make sure you move your body to exertion every single day.  The days that I do not move my body it is much harder to be positive and upbeat, whereas, on days that I have broken a good sweat, I find I am more balanced  and better able to roll with the punches.  It would be preferable to do this movement in the morning, because it is a great way to start your day.  You will clear away the fog left over from sleeping and you set a positive tone to your day.  A great side benefit is that you will burn calories more efficiently throughout your day, and who doesn't want a little help in that area!

Another reason to start your day with a sweat is that exercise is something that you do for yourself.  By starting your day affirming your commitment to yourself and your mental and physical health you are giving yourself a big warm fuzzy right from the start.  Giving yourself love and attention is a surefire way to build a happy life!

Finally, I'm sure you've read numerous times about all of the great brain chemicals released when you exercise, so I won't bore you with the details here.   My best advice about exercise is to do something that you like.  Don't force yourself into the latest exercise craze unless you really enjoy it.  If you dread kickboxing, then don't do it.  Find something else you like to do that works up a sweat.  Exercise should be fun and life affirming, not a form of punishment.  Sometimes I just crank up some Barry White and strut my stuff around my living room like it was Studio 54!  I'm sure I look totally ridiculous and for me, that is the best part!

Sharpening The Saw - My Favorite Habit of Highly Effective People

I'm writing today from my hotel room in gorgeous Wildwood, New Jersey. That's right, I'm sharpening my saw. Not sure what that's about? Then you clearly have never read one of the best books out there, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I first read this book in my twenties and it was such a huge eye opener for me.

Dr. Covey gives you a format that you can apply to your business, family and personal lives. You can apply the 7 habits to every situation you encounter and it will help you to make the best possible choices. My husband and I often quote particular habits when we are struggling with a decision. Bill's favorite is "seek first to understand." This habit reminds him to cool his temper and to try to look at an event from the other party's perspective and to try to understand why they are doing or saying what they are doing.

As I sit here on my vacation, I have to admit that the 7th habit -Sharpen the Saw - is my personal favorite. It reminds the workaholic, driven people of the world that all work and no play not only makes you dull, it makes you less effective. By taking time to rest and recharge your batteries not only on the occasional vacation, but during each day, you actually make yourself more productive. Not to mention happier :-)

So I am going to head off to sharpen my saw a bit on the beach while I read a completely fluff chick-lit book.

If you do not currently take some time to sharpen the saw, I highly recommend that you start. For those of you who have already discovered the benefits of taking time for you, what do you do to relax and recharge?

Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones, but Words...

Do you remember that old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me"? We were supposed to say that to people who were insulting us, and hurling nasty names at us on the playground. While it certainly helped me as a child to deal with insults, it is not an accurate statement at all. As a matter of fact, words can do more damage to us long term than sticks and stones could ever hope to do! Back in my post Eavesdropping on My Mind, I talked about the power that our thoughts have over our lives. I pontificated on how important it is to mind your thoughts about yourself, and what did I go and do in my latest post? I titled it Melissa Eats Too Much! Way to go personal-growth guru, LOL.

After I wrote that post I went back and re-read Hope's article on Weighting Line and took some time to think about why I eat. It is totally emotional for me. I never really let myself get hungry. Clearly this is not the healthiest way to go through life, so I need to make a change.

At the same time, I am critically aware that trying to make too many life changes all at once can lead to no change whatsoever. So, for now, I will focus on only thinking and saying nice things about my body and my eating habits. I will keep an eye on my motivations for eating, but I'm not going to pressure myself on this point until I have made more inroads in some of my other areas of focus, such as my daily intention lesson and my mediation practices. My guess is that the more I succeed at those endeavors, the more I will satisfy the emotional urges that I have been feeding previously with food.

Funny how easy it is to talk badly about ourselves sometimes, right? What things have you been saying about yourself that aren't serving you? What small change can you make to redirect those words to a more positive direction?

If a tree steals something in the woods and no one sees it...

did it really steal?

Once upon a time I was a spoiled brat.  Really!  I am the only girl and the baby in my family, so the spoiled part just goes without saying.  As a teenager I thought the world revolved around me, and I can honestly say I was not the best friend around.  Clearly I have changed, and that was due in very large part to a series of tragedies in my life that began the night my husband Billy died in my arms after suffering a massive heart attack.  It was almost as if the reset button had been hit on my brain, and I began rebuilding the Melissa programming.  I was very lucky to have been surrounded by some very caring people, who gladly helped me find myself again through books, audio tapes and seminars.

As I devoured those resources, I began to find a new way to be me, a me that I could be proud of and a me that honestly felt more comfortable in this skin.  Who knows, maybe this is who I would have been without the spoiling? In any event one book I read early on made a huge impact on me.  It was a book about character, and how being a person of great character is a choice, not always an easy one, but always the right one.  This book by Bill Hybels was originally published in 1987 under the title Character is Who You are When No One is Looking and is available now in an updated version titled Who You Are When No One is Looking.

One part of the book in particular really hit home for me and it was about discipline.  I had never competed in sports or any other kind of athletics, so the concept of being disciplined was never important to me.  You might be wondering about homework and schoolwork, but that always came ridiculously easy for me.  I usually did my homework before leaving school for the day because I could just fly through it. I'm not saying that to brag, because I am sure that a little struggle and hard work would have been good for me.  It would have built some character, LOL.  College was the first challenge that I ever faced and, although I managed to survive that challenge, I realize now that I could have done so much better had I understood the concept of discipline.  At the very least it may not have been so brutally painful.  I still have nightmares about some of those exam weeks!!!  Anyway, I had never really internalized the concept that great rewards come from making yourself persist in an activity that challenges you.  Today I understand.  The sense of pride and accomplishment that you get when you don't give up, when you keep working and eventually succeed is amazing!!  It's one of the best rushes in the world!  Discipline builds strong character for sure, but it is also tremendously rewarding.

My first taste of true discipline was when I set out to read the Bible in a year.  I read it every morning, first thing in the morning.  I bought a Bible with a study tracker that told me which chapters to read each day.  There were mornings I was sooooo not in the mood.  Especially with some of those Old Testament books like Leviticus and Deuteronomy with all of the laws and the lineage lists.  Soooooo boring!  It was easier to do when God was blowing up cities and smiting the heck out of people, LOL.  Did I miss some days?  Yes, I did.  What did it matter, no one was watching me right?  Ah, but then I began to see that someone was watching and that someone was me.  As I watched myself give in to the lure of fifteen minutes more sleep I felt a pang of guilt.  I had let myself down.  I had committed to myself to do something, and now I was failing in that commitment.  I thought about what I was learning from Hybels and I knew that I was not exactly showing great character.  It only took a few of those failures to turn me around.  After that I forced myself to do it every day, and each time I closed that book I had a great feeling of satisfaction and pride.  Slowly, but surely I was learning.

I have since challenged myself more times than I can remember, and I have seldom let myself down.  More importantly I do not let others down.  I am now the person that my employers count on to always get the job done.  They actually ask me to help others get their jobs done!!!  Friends and family reach out to me in a crisis, because they know that I am always there for them.  I have heard things in the past fifteen years that have been music to my ears such as, "As soon as I saw Melissa I knew everything was going to be alright" and "I know I can always count on you."  My greatest joy comes when people ask to speak to me on a private matter where they are trying to assess for themselves what the right course of action is in a difficult situation. They rely on me to help them find the right way!  Me of all people!  I truly owe Mr. Hybels and his book a great debt.

Another area of my life that has benefited from learning about character is my careers in sales.  As a Realtor I represented many first time home buyers.  These young couples were entrusting me to help them make decisions about where they would start their families and invest a huge amount of their hard-earned money.  Perhaps the reason that I did so well in this niche was that I decided to treat all of my customers with 100% integrity.  When they were torn between two houses and asked me my advice, I could have assessed the commission I would make from each house and pointed them to the one that benefited me most, but that would have been wrong, clearly.  Instead I always treated them as I would want someone to treat me and I would talk it out with them until they came to their own decision.  On many occasions I actually talked clients out of buying more expensive homes, because I knew that they would be stretching their finances too far exposing themselves to possible future heartache.  The rewards in these instances were not only that I got to feel good about myself, folks.  I also got tons of referrals, and referrals are the bread and butter of a Realtor's business!!  Yes, being a person of character has great benefits, and not all of them are of the emotional-airy-fairy-feel-good-let's-all-sing-Kumbaya-together variety ;-)

So back to Who You Are When No One is Looking for a moment.  I should note that Bill Hybels is a minister and a Christian teacher.  So the book leans heavily on Biblical principles and the teachings of Jesus.  My advice for non-Christians would be to read the book anyway.  He is teaching from ancient truths that you will most likely find in your own sacred books as well.  Character and courage are not peculiar to any one religion, rather they are the foundation of all religions.  The book is so well written and inspiring that I believe that even non-Christians will get tremendous benefit from reading it.

Now back to my original question.  If a tree steals something in the woods and no one sees it, did it really steal?  Yup, it did and it stole the most important thing in the world, it stole its own character.

Melissa Eats Too Much...

Yeah, that might have to be the title of a new blog for me!  After all my big talk about discipline in my previous post, I have a confession to make.  There is an area of my life which lacks discipline, and it is my eating habits.  I can be pretty disciplined about getting exercise, and luckily for me I have no problem eating a healthy diet.  The problem is that I eat entirely too much in general.  And, while it is certainly better for me to be gorging myself on protein and veggies, in the end it is about calories in vs. calories burned and I've got way too much of the former going on ;-(

One of my blogging buddies that I talk to on Plurk is the fabulous Hope Wilbanks and she just published an awesome article over at Weighting Line that is perfect for those of us who could use a little help resisting the over-eating urge.  Shed Those Unhealthy Pounds - Like a Snake is a must read anyone who tends to eat for emotional reasons.  I am going to implement the referenced weight loss journal this week, as well as a food diary so that I will be forced to confront both how much I am eating and why.  Care to join me?